Loneliness Is an Opportunity
There are several reasons why someone might face loneliness, but one thing is for sure that everyone in their life goes through an acute or at least some degree of loneliness. Maybe you're really surrounded by millions of people, but up in the head, you're in one infinite universe full of darkness and are all by your own or maybe you really are alone by yourself, not just in your head but also in real. At times such as these, loneliness can very well tear you apart—literally shred you into pieces, beginning with your sense of being. If loneliness can be so dangerous yet so subtle, and if it is inevitable and present in our lives, how do you deal with it? A simple change in perspective can bring about a tremendous difference. Loneliness, which now, maybe you see as your enemy or weakness can really be your ally, it can be included in your strengths. Loneliness can come into your life as one remarkable golden opportunity to step up your game, to get your player to the next level. It may have already come into your life, but are you taking advantage of it? Or are you letting it tear you into pieces?
Recently, I was doing a little research on Solitary Confinement. A system of punishment wherein the prisoner stays in a little, 6 by 8-foot (sizes depend but usually around this size) concrete prison cell for about 23 hours every day. Many prisons have windowless cells but some do have a thin slit with frosted glass to let some light in. Some prisons allow their inmates in the segregation, as is the jail slang, to have a small TV or books but other than that the inmates really have nothing else and are often locked in the little cell for decades at a time. One hour per day, they are allowed a 'yard-time' when they're cuffed and shackled and taken to an outside cage, bigger than their cell, where they can have some recreational time. The lights are never turned off, although dimmed at night and the prisoners' regular yard-time is also not guaranteed.
In such conditions, most of the inmates begin to lose their sanity. The colourless and desolate cell drives them mad. The lack of any stimulation or human contact makes them so starved that they indulge in behaviours, just to get some human contact. Many inmates flood their cells, many throw tantrums. They really lose any control over their own selves. If any of the action can get them some attention, some human contact then they do it, instead of the gloomy monotony of their confined space. The inmates in 'the seg' are five times as much likely as the general population cells to have mental health issues and many lose their sanity. The loneliness and lack of stimulation breaks their soul apart, turns their mind into literal dumps and them into surreal monsters.
Depression, anxiety and a slew of other factors drive the inmates to commit unbelievable acts in order to garner some human attention or touch. Flooding cells, cutting themselves up and bathing in their blood, smearing their own faeces, urine or blood on themselves or the walls of the cells. All these behaviours mean that they will receive attention and human contact. Heavily armed cell guards will restrain these individuals and drag them out of their cells to fix them up or the damage in the cells. However, there are consequences for such acts. Inmates end up extending their time in the segregation every time they indulge in such activities—even attempting suicide is a serious offence and results in another extension of their stint in the seg. One inmate spent four years in the solitary as his original 4-month stint had been extended too many times for indulging in inappropriate acts. Another consequence of indulging in such behaviours leads to the inmate losing any form of distraction like books or TV in their cells. The other forms of escape being taken away, there's no doubt that these inmates re-indulge in previous behaviours and end up extending their segregation time, sometimes for decades. This vicious cycle continues for long and the prisoner stacks up several extensions.
Quite to say, solitary confinement is worse than death itself and pushes the person to the edge of sanity and being. Several inmates talk about having severe depression and loss of identity. They fail to consider themselves alive and begin to feel 'dead.' One prisoner said that 'the hole' (another slang for solitary) stripped their minds of any sense of aliveness. The only reminder they had that they were still alive came from screaming for hours at a time or banging their cell doors, hearing the commotion or even another inmate scream in agony felt comforting—giving them a reminder that they were still alive in a human world.
The extreme loneliness in such conditions becomes a magnet for a variety of other mental health issues. The prisoners often feel completely cut off from the human world. They feel forgotten. They feel erased. Each day is always the same as the previous and they have a lot of time on their hands. So much time and nothing to do. One of the prison guards said that one has to be very careful around these individuals because unlike him, they remembered the slightest mistake or error for months or years as they really have nothing else to do. If not careful, then these inmates could potentially snap at the prison guards.
I agree that loneliness in real life doesn't get this worse. My intention, however, is to divert you to a different group in contrast to this one. There are a few such prisoners who have spent decades and decades in the solitary, many facing several life sentences or even on the death row and these individuals have maintained their composure and sanity in the loneliest and a restriction-ridden environment. If these individuals can maintain their sanity in a tiny cell for about 23 hours a day without any human contact then you can for sure deal with the loneliness you feel in your freedom-rich life. There are things to learn from these individuals who have the most time in the world, and yet very little to do.
In one of the documentaries that I saw, a prisoner who was locked up at the age of 15 for an unspeakable crime he had committed at the age of 13, spent almost all his life in the solitary confinement. Now in his late twenties, he had not seen the world or experienced anything that we take for granted. He, however, spent his days reading—books upon books. Books are the best sources of escape for such inmates and in the world of books; the prisoners experience most of the world. The prisoner correctly said that his world wasn't limited to his cell, but it was limited where his imagination was. This inmate also had inscribed words on his cell such as "Perseverance", "Health", and "Strength." All these words conveyed a state of mind, which for the prisoner created that state of mind. Constant sub-conscious exposure to these words helped him to create and sustain these states of mind and he was able to guard his sanity against the dangers of loneliness.
When lonely and nothing at hand, our own mind tends to become our greatest enemy and thus, we should always keep our minds occupied with some or the other thing. Accepting the situation and dealing with it is another thing that helped several inmates. Instead of denying or lying to themselves, these offenders reacted differently—by accepting that they were locked in there forever and it would be pointless to let it affect them. Instead, they chose to make the most of their times in their cells by indulging in activities such as reading, writing or other healthier forms of escapes.
How does it all tie up to help you deal with your loneliness? Loneliness often doesn't knock—it just barges in. However, when it comes into your life, you are free to choose your reaction. You can let it build you up instead of tearing you apart.
I am a loner myself and you can very well say that. I spend about 23 hours in my room, most of the week. Sometimes, I go out to see some friends, other times with family but usually, I'm alone in my room. No, I don't have any restrictions or I'm not even under house arrest. It's my choice. It's my preference to stay alone. I am an introvert by nature, that can also be said and though I really like to hang out with my friends and spend time outside, too much of it overwhelms me. It drains me and then I retreat back to my room to recharge myself. It is okay. Many tell me and maybe consider it arrogant that I do not talk to them or that I don't even call them but that's just really normal. I'm not angry; I'm not holding any grudge against you. I just need some space. I do prefer it in my voluntary confinement cell.
I spend my time reading, writing and doing all sorts of things and I really don't feel like I'm going nuts. Sometimes I go out for a change, sometimes I meet a friend but then, I'm again back in my hole. I have in the past been an active member of various discussion forums and I've talked to many netizens there. I've heard many complain that they are alone and that loneliness kills them every day. I, however, see loneliness very differently.
Changing Perspective
Loneliness is an opportunity in disguise, I've begun to think. Loneliness is often inevitable and everyone goes through it at some point in their lives. The key is to not over-hype and self-victimize. Do not try to manipulate or control the situation. If you are lonely, just accept it and don't let it turn into a big deal. Have this little realization floating around in your head that this loneliness is temporary. Now, how is loneliness an opportunity and for what? Loneliness means you have a lot of time, or a considerable amount of time free for yourself. There's a lot that you can get done in this time. I view loneliness as an opportunity for tremendous personal growth. You can use this time effectively and turn yourself into a giant in that particular field. In fact, I will even say that to become a successful or a person of value, you need a lot of time alone initially to build your certain essential skills. Self-reflection and self-evaluation are very crucial and all the undisturbed time alone means you can truly be yourself and invest your time in building yourself up. Keep yourself engaged in some activity.I can say, life gives everyone this one opportunity to turn themselves into a behemoth or to turn their lives around completely and that opportunity often comes as loneliness. You can let that loneliness affect you and then start spiralling downwards into depression, and in some extreme cases—suicide or you can appreciate loneliness and take full advantage of it by utilising the time and investing it so that in the long run, you get returns in the form of money, relationships, or anything else. This same loneliness can someday be the reason of your immense success and it will also be something which will erase itself later on. This is also the best move to make when going through such a period. Always utilize your time to expand yourself, to develop skills or to improve at something and I can surely say that in the long run, it will be very beneficial.
Our usual everyday routines are already so packed with so much to do. We spend time with friends, family, or co-workers, we have assignments, house chores and in the long list of priorities, we often miss out on our own selves. When loneliness suddenly hits you one day, it will be your opportunity to develop yourself. In my case, that's what happens. Since I don't spend time in socialising and have a lot of lonely slots during the day, I utilise them by writing these blogs, reading books, learning new things and all of what I do. Honestly, If I wouldn't have been lonely, I would not have ever sat and written these blogs because each one is a result of my own self-reflection, self-evaluation and self-reform. All that I have learned is not going waste and someday, in some form, I'll remember this line. If, however, I would have spent my loneliness having self-destructive thoughts, I would have never grown or developed the way I have. You wouldn't have been reading this very line and things would have been very different—something I don't even want to think about because it's a possibility that is never coming true. I do see my loneliness in a very different light now, and I consider myself fortunate to be able to go through this phase. I have definitely seen a lot of growth and development, and have learned a lot of things, be it life lessons or other things and I'm sure in the long run, ahead in this game of life, these skills will come very handy and useful.
If you are currently feeling or are lonely, just remember that you aren't always going to be and this gift that you have gotten, use it for your growth. I am also proud of you for choosing to read this article—now you've got an additional insight and would likely use it to improve the quality of your life—that's one way you've used your loneliness to your advantage today. See you down the road!
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