The Uberman Series Day 8
Certain journeys that you take in life will be awfully lonely and success in those paths-less-travelled will be determined solely on how long you're willing to push for.- Tri
I firmly believe that you often have to take certain decisions in life which you know will benefit you but no one understands or is willing to pledge you their support for. If you're too full of things people find hard to find any common grounds with, then most of your decisions will be of this nature. You'll have to commit to seeing through to your decisions alone, without hoping anyone will understand them and without ever even trying to justify yourself. If you know deep down you should do it, then no matter how crazy people think you are for doing it, do it. No matter how lonely and difficult it gets, do it. Only quit when it is you who knows that it is time to or you who feels that you probably should and that too for your own sake.
Wanting to be polyphasic is one such decision for me. There are many who have expressed their doubts regarding what I wish to accomplish, several others who I believe think that this set-up is an inevitable failure and perhaps most who just view me from a distance and are glad that they're not me. For me, it is not about trying to prove anything to anyone, not even to myself, or to get a boatload of free time to have some advantage over other men, now though that would be wonderful and is one of the reasons, it is not the central reason of what drives me to still stick to this endeavour. I derive my drive and my thirst for this experiment because it gives me a reason to believe, not in myself but into the perseverance and the grit that I discovered within myself. I derive this strength to see how it is possible to push myself and challenge myself beyond what is generally acceptable. I don't mind being my own guinea pig, for insights even I don't know I'm after until I encounter them. This endeavour gives me a taste of what it is that I am, the potential that I pack and how grossly I underestimated my physical and mental capabilities. The central reason I keep at this is to uncover more of what makes me who I am and what will make me how I will become. Even though the experiment seems irrelevant, the lessons it has taught me so far have been more than relevant. Each and every day I face my own limitations and I learn a little about them, enough to change myself for the slightest bit. I get introduced to those minuscule and silly factors which are insignificant in contrast to the big picture and yet cause the big picture to turn out a failure. Every day I take one more step closer to conquering the involuntary and helpless aspects of my identity. Each new day I rediscover what it is like to be alive.
Though this routine is insane to adapt to and sometimes I'm remotely human but not once did it become unbearable to the point that I chose to give up. Giving up is a choice but my failures so far have come due to making careless mistakes that don't give me a choice, I just pass out. During every block that I find myself mentally struggling to keep myself awake, I look deep within to bring out what it takes to avoid passing out and while sometimes I do come up with an engaging activity, other times I am so mentally inoperable that I come up with nothing, which then translates to oversleeping. And although I battle myself each day, I come home with something that helps me in the next battle. When today I was able to stay awake through my graveyard hours when it gets worse, I ended up microsleeping after the 8 am nap, which is a lot better than oversleeping but then I will not consider it a win. In those terms, the battle is still on and there could still be lot to learn. Though my mental clarity and energy overall has improved, I still haven't been able to be purely Uberman for more than a day. Microsleeping and oversleeping have been the two things which have been successful in preventing my success and they seem to come up with new battle strategies each day. So going lax is not going to work as would getting comfortable. The enemy may be the same, but the enemy has a few things up his sleeve and to counter him, I have to be alert—sleep-deprived and alert.
Bottom line, I am not done yet. The Uberman is still on. I am closer today than I was yesterday, and I will be closer tomorrow than I am today. That's how it works.The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.- Marcus Aurelius
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